Come Near to Me
Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash
Do you know how forgiveness works when there is some real offense committed against you? It’s one thing to forgive a misunderstanding or a hurtful action that was well-intended. What I want us to know today is how do we forgive someone when the offender did what they did in order to hurt you. There is hate in their heart towards you. What if they, I don’t know, sold you into slavery, on purpose? How do you find it in your heart to forgive things that actually changed the course of your life? That is what this chapter is going to be revealing to us today.
What we are going to encounter is some deep theology about God’s control of all things, including His ability to work through human sin. This is where an understanding of these fine points will actually make a real difference in your life. Because unless you understand what God is revealing to us here, you are going to find it nearly impossible to forgive much less reconcile with your offender.
Today we are going to see that you are able to forgive because God works through your hurts.
God works through your hurts
We pick up our narrative at the absolute climax of the Joseph/Judah arch. Judah has just completed one of the greatest story arcs so far in Genesis by being willing to sacrifice his life for his brother Benjamin.
Joseph responds by telling everyone, except his brothers, to leave the room so that he can dramatically reveal who he is. His brothers are dismayed, or according to scholars, gripped with fear at this revelation. Just imagine the shock of everything you’ve gone through so far suddenly making sense, and then the horrible realization that the person you have sold into slavery now has the opportunity to do whatever he wants to in that moment. Few things can hardly compare. Staring into the face of someone who’s life you ruined—on purpose—now has the unquestioned authority to bring down the hammer must be terrifying.
But imagine it the other way around. That’s what our movies do, right? The bad guy ultimately finds himself in the power of our hero who has all the power to exact his seemingly just revenge. We cheer those things. It happens even in our video feeds. We love scrolling through videos of people getting their just desserts: Rude people tripping after insulting someone, robbers banging their heads on closed doors. Some of us will nurse our own private grudges by imagining one day being able to get someone back to make them understand what it was like to be them.
We are not a forgiving people. We want to be forgiven, of course. But we don’t like to forgive for a few different reasons. One could be because for some this means weakness. To forgive just means that you’re not strong enough to stand up for yourself. Another could be to forgiven means that person is no longer in your debt. You lose power over your offender by holding back forgiveness. For some, they’ve been so identified with their hurt that to forgive and let it go would be to let go their very identity. For so long they’ve held their status as “the person who was hurt” that to give that up would have them wondering what they would think about. We call that state of mind “bitterness,” by the way.
But maybe we just don’t know how to get our hearts in the state necessary to forgive. We think that you have to be “forgiving person” like its a personality trait. Or we think that our situation is indeed so unique that forgiveness and freedom from that hurt is just impossible.
How did Joseph get to this point? Twenty years of slavery caused by his brothers. He tells us exactly how he got to this point, and before you guess, no it wasn’t just that he got to control Egypt because of it. Joseph is able to forgive and reconcile with his brothers because of what he believes about God.
Here it is, first Joseph calls his brothers close to him. A precious olive branch to help his brothers hear what he is going to say without the distraction of feeling threatened by this moment. We are also given the moment to sit up, come closer, listen to a man who hears from God and has, by any standard, experienced the pain of others actions.
First, Joseph doesn’t deny what happened. He doesn’t lead with “Hey, what happened in the past doesn’t matter. We are going to forget all about it.” He doesn’t do that. I just want to highlight that, but we are going to get to the meat of his speech here first.
Second, he tells them how to emotionally react to what he is about to say. He says, “Don’t be angry with yourselves.” Don’t be angry?? How is he able to say that? He has already acknowledged what they did. He isn’t trying to minimize what has been done to him. Instead, he is going to look behind their actions to see God.
In the next phrase he says that God sent Joseph. This isn’t something that Joseph said thoughtlessly. He said it three times that God was the one who sent him to Egypt. He isn’t saying that the brothers were uninvolved, but he is saying that their actions weren’t ultimate. Their actions didn’t thwart God’s plan, but instead their actions advanced God’s plan.
Notice how much agency is given to God in this moment. Joseph doesn’t say, “Yeah, you guys sent me to Egypt, but God was able to rescue that disaster and creatively come up with a counter plan to yours.” He doesn’t say that. He says that God sent him to Egypt, and it was the brothers sinful choice that was the very means of accomplishing that plan. This isn’t God just playing the hand He’s dealt. God’s holding all the cards. He’s dealt them exactly the way He wants.
Now we have to be careful as we reason through this. The Bible is crystal clear that God does not sin: James 1:13 “Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.” 1 John 1:5 “This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.” Psalm 5:4 “For you are not a God who delights in wickedness; evil may not dwell with you.” Psalm 145:17 “The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works.”
Yet, as we will see, God is using the sinful actions of his brothers to advance His will. Genesis 50:20 “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” God meant it. John Piper comments on this section of Scripture and calls it the point where human will and divine will intersect. He says, “Their decisions were intended by them according to their sinful designs. But their decisions were intended by God according to his saving designs (cf. Isa. 10:5-7; Mic. 4:11-12).” (Providence, 427, emphasis original). He said in another place “…God’s intention in this sinful selling was very different. It was not sinful; it was saving. Their selling was driven by lust for ‘twenty shekels of silver’ (37:28). God’s sending was driven by love for his chosen people (39:21).” (425).
That is our theology lesson, but what does it have to do with forgiveness? If you are hurting this morning from an offense committed against you, you are in the same boat as Joseph right here. That person in your mind right now meant it for evil. That person sent you into this painful part of your life to sell you out, but God behind that very person means that very same action for your ultimate good. “Well, pastor, I don’t see and can’t see how God is using this pain for my good.” Of course you don’t! You aren’t in chapter 45 of your life yet. It didn’t make sense to Joseph when he was sitting in prison falsely accused. Even if he did, it didn’t make the chains any more comfortable.
But it makes forgiveness possible. He can look at their sinful actions in all their horror, not trying to minimize them, and yet see that they don’t have the final word. They can rage against him all they want, but they can only advance God’s will, which in this situation has lead to the saving of many lives, and keeping the Abrahamic promise alive.
Now, you may say, “I still don’t see how this helps me forgive in my situation.” Some of your have gone through some unbelievably painful things. Things that I couldn’t repeat from here. Hearing this may have you shrinking back from God. “How could God possibly mean that for me?” If that’s where you are this morning, it is likely because you haven’t seen what God has done through it yet. It may be many more years yet. God’s purpose was just as sure for Joseph in chapter 37 when he was thrown into the pit as it is now in chapter 45 with all of Egypt under his thumb.
Can you trust that God will do the same in your life? Can you trust God enough to say, “I know what that person did to me was awful. But because I know that God means that very action for my good (Romans 8:28), I can forgive them, even though I don’t know what that good is yet.”
Let’s get practical for a minute as we wind down. What does it even mean to forgive? It doesn’t mean forgetting what has happened. Joseph clearly doesn’t forget that. Who could? It means that despite remembering what happened, you choose not to hold that against them anymore. You don’t define them by solely that hurt. That guy is no longer just “the one who hurt me.” He has done that, but behind him was a God who means what is best for me. That’s what we see here in this passage. The brothers did indeed sell Joseph. That is still historical reality, but they are still his brothers. They were the vehicles to send Joseph into this position.
It’s hard to be bitter against someone for an action that God ultimately intends for good. It would be like being bitter against a surgeon for performing a painful but life saving surgery. Yes it hurts, and yes he is the one who inflicted the pain, but the end result is one of goodness.
So whatever hurt you are feeling from others actions this morning, trace the intention of those actions past the one who did them. We are not excusing what they did. They chose to sin against you, and that will exact a cost on you and them (Ross, 673). We don’t have to sin, so we don’t get to say, “Oh, God will work it out in the end.” He will do that, but He doesn’t let sin go. These brothers carried their sin with them for twenty years and went through no little trouble here in these last four chapters. It didn’t have to be that way. God didn’t hold a gun to their head saying, “Sell your brother.” Yet, they freely chose to do it, but God was just as free to send His good will through the rotten and twisted pipe of their sin.
You are not here by accident. You are not ultimately a victim of someone else’s will. Their wills will serve God’s.
We see that nowhere more clearly than on the cross. The people sinfully desired the death of Jesus Christ. Yet this crucifixion was a prearranged plan. The ultimate betrayal, the ultimate crime, brought about the greatest good there ever was. And if our God is able to do that in that situation, just imagine what He might one day do through yours.
So Kids, when your friends hurt, when you siblings are mean, know that God hasn’t forgotten you. You can bring the hurt to your parents. You can and should tell an adult you trust to protect you when necessary. You can tell your parents anything. But know that God loves you, and will take whatever hurt you have, and make good come out of it. That doesn’t make it right to hurt people. It doesn’t mean you have to keep getting hurt by the same person. But it does mean that you don’t have to be sad about it forever.
Adults, I think you can pick up what I’m saying there. This isn’t an easy thing to do. Every situation requires careful thinking and wise navigation, which I and the other elders are happy to help you sail through. I can’t anticipate every situation from here. But what I can tell you is God means that very evil thing for good, because He is just that powerful, and just that good.