Godly Womanhood

Swan with baby swans

God needs women in His Church just as much as He needs men. At creation, He made both in his image, and even in perfection, both were needed. He made us different for a reason, but those differences are often unappreciated by both sexes, particularly women by men. The critical work done by women often goes unnoticed. We see disciples of Pentecost but not women who joined them in prayer. We see St. Augustine's works, and not Monica prayers for her boy's salvation. But God notices. 

Last time, we spoke about what God calls for the men to do, and now we will see what He has for the ladies. What you will find in this passage are similar, overarching characteristics, but different applications of those characteristics. Specifically, these characteristics are to find their chief priority in the home. 

Now, there are a lot of ways to react to that last statement, many of them negatively. And there are unfortunate reason why. Sometimes these reasons have come from teaching that is dismissive and more about what women can't do than what they can. It can boil down to the men do the important stuff like preaching, while women do less important stuff. Teaching like that doesn't exude gratitude for the essential ministry that women are called to do, a ministry of love and hospitality. 

Attempts to correct this have swung in the opposite direction but achieved the same results. Such teaching asserts simply that the previous teaching is just wrong and ladies should serve in the same roles that men do namely preaching and leading, because, you know, those are the important roles. Such teaching ultimately teaches the same things the supposedly traditional and conservatives do, namely, the home is unimportant. 

We want to be Biblical. We are not trying to slide into a way of doing things solely because "it's the way we've always done it" or "this is the new, improved way to do it." The question is what does God want us to do. 

Since teaching like this has been done poorly before, let's make a few things clear before we begin. This passage is not saying that ladies can't have employment outside the home. It was true in Titus' day as it is now that economic necessity sometimes calls for the wives of the household to also work. Many at that time had what we call "cottage industries" today like spinning (Bray, 510). We've almost come full circle with social media and remote work. This has been true in every age of humanity, including the much praised but poorly remembered 1950s, where, according to a year 2000 US Bureau of Labor and Statistics report, nearly 1 in 3 women worked. 

This passage is also not saying that any one gender's calling is better or more important than another's. Both are essential to each other as we will see. It does no good to be envious of each other's callings. This passage is also not saying that husbands are not expected to help their wives. Ephesians 5 clearly calls husbands to a life of sacrifice as well. 

What is being differentiated here is where the priority lies and why that is important, as I hope will be clear as we go. 

Older Women are called to Train the Younger Women in the Art of Making a Home to Minister in.

We begin this section with the expectations that the older women are to indeed teach. Preach, no, but that doesn't mean that ladies with a teaching gift are condemned if they use it. They are to use it to train the young ladies in their arts. 

So what are these older ladies supposed to be like? Well, reflecting a bit of what the older men are, they are to be reverent. This word is actually a combination of two words meaning "holy" and "fitting." In other words, as one scholar put it, to be reverent "was to behave in a way that reflected the sacred character of the life they were called to live as members of the church." (Bray, 505). 

What does that look like? Paul gives us a couple of negative examples, slandering and drunkenness. The word for "slander" or speaking inappropriately ill of someone is actually the Greek Word for "devil," diablos. Ladies tend to know a lot about what goes on in a community, and that knowledge can be used to devastating effect. Paul isn't saying here to be silent in the face of evil, but don't spread evil where there is none or to the wrong people. 

The second one may seem surprising, as we typically frame this as more a man's issue today. Back then, men tended to drink together as a social activity. Drunkenness in that context was shameful, so there would be more cultural guardrails against that. Ladies didn't have such social guardrails, and because wine was often considered the cure all, over-drinking could very easily become a problem. 

Our culture is not immune to this problem. In a country where people are passing out on sidewalks with fentanyl, the "Momie-Wine" glass or four doesn't seem so bad. The life of a mom is hard, and we can present a bottle as a cure-all solution. We must not seek easy outs, man or woman. Again, in and of itself, alcohol isn't a sin, but it can very easily be taken in as a solution it isn't meant to be. 

Now, that we've seen what these ladies are not to be doing, let's see what they should be doing. You will notice that these qualities seamlessly transition what the older women are to be like (how can you train what you haven't achieved yourself?) and what the young women are to be aiming for. 

They are to train these young women into seemingly obvious things to us. But scholars give us a peak into this world looking at the language that is there. The word for train here is teaching someone a whole new way of life. Many ladies married young, so the challenges of loving potentially a much older man and bearing children would be a lot!

What is more often misunderstood is submission and home-making, so let's dive into those. 

Let's start with submission. As Denny Burke noted, this command for submission is given to the wife to obey not the husband to coerce. Paul didn't say, "Men, make sure your wife stays in check and submits!" The command is given to her to obey. John Piper points out that this submission is not ultimate, as the ultimate submission is given to the Lord. The command for submission to be just for a husband would be culturally freeing for a woman who might be expected to consider a father-in-law's potentially contradictory leadership as well. This begins an understanding of the nuclear family as we see it today. (Bray). 

Submission is not being out of the room when the decision happens. Any good husband will very seriously weigh his wife's opinion and perspective on decisions. But at the end of the day, if a hard call has to be made in the process of following Christ, that decision, and the responsibility for potential fallout, rests with him. Of course, if a clearly sinful decision is made, one should not follow that. But in a Biblical marriage, a man is called to lead his family in a godly way of life, and his wife is to be supportive in that call. 

Let's now look at what that might mean for home. 

Let's remember what a home used to be. At a time where there were no hotels as we conceive of them today, a house was a place for a traveler to find safety and comfort. This is part of the reason why there was an immense cultural emphasis on hospitality. Can you imagine what a witness for Christ this would be for a traveler who stays in a Christian home that is Biblically run? Everyone loves each other in a sacrificial way. The husband is not a domineering jerk, and the wife, though young, seems to already know how to make a guest comfortable. She has had the opportunity to be poured into not just by her mother-in-law, but by several admirable older women. These people that the traveler is staying with seem to be part of a larger whole community that is very concerned for each other. 

And then imagine what happens when Sunday rolls around? Church was held in the same place. It's not like the Jewish leaders are going to let what is in their minds a cult meet in their synagogues once doctrines are clear. They are going to have to meet in houses. Guess who sets the tone for a house? Dr. Bray explains: "As experienced managers of their household, in many of which the church would've gathered, the old women set the tone for much of what went on in the Christian community. They did not preside over worship, but they created the atmosphere and their conduct might easily determine whether a congregation would survive and grow in a healthy state or deteriorate and eventually disappear." (Bray, 506) Critically important ministry. 

In other words, the ladies would be providing the church with the place to worship. Have you been in the house of someone who clearly loves their house more than you? You feel like an invader! Now have you been to someone's house who clearly uses their house to host? Which one would you rather meet for church in? Which one would remind you of the rest that Christ promised? 

Now, you may say, "Ok, well that's great for them back then, but there is nothing like that in our culture today. The important stuff happens out there now, not in the home." 

First of all, that isn't true. The foundation of everything is in the home. Ask any kid who has a poor home life what will compensate for it. Ask any kid who's parents loved each other and loved them what they would trade it for. You want to change the future? Love the home you have now. 

Secondly, invite others in the door. Our culture is literally dying of loneliness. People want connection. There is a level of closeness that you cannot achieve any other way. And in an age of guardedness and risk aversion, hospitality shines even brighter than ever before. In the ancient world it was expected; today, it's seen as special. A home that has peace, love, mutual understanding and hope for the future is one of the greatest advertisements for the gospel in the world. While we don't meet in homes at Knollwood for Church, your living room may be the first introduction to church your neighbors will have. 

Men have been too quick to write that off. Some modern women have made the same mistake. We tend to think that the gospel only moves when a preacher stands up and talks. Yes, the preaching of the word is important, but most people aren't wandering in here. Your living room may be the first introduction to church your neighbors will have. 

So what practically does that look like? 

It start with a reshaping of our goals. Why are you setting up the house the way you are? Why do you live the way you do? Do we have answers for those questions, or are you just doing what everyone else is doing? Is your life aimed at the goal of making Christ known in the world, starting with your literal neighbor? Can the way you live in your home promote that? 

Again, the purpose of this isn't to lay down yet more guilt on an already guilt-ridden population. Women are asked to do so much, and this passage teaches us men to tangibly appreciate it and assist them in it. Men, take the time to look around and genuinely thank your wife in the ways she wants to be thanked. Flowers, dates, cards, what fills her tank. No, you can't fulfill every wish, but an encouraging word goes a long way. Rather than groan or roll our eyes when asked to help with something our wives can't accomplish at the house on her own, we genuinely thank her for the effort to think through these things. And ladies, this is easier to do when the motive is transparently to welcome in the neighbor, not instagram. 

This is also not to say that women who need to work outside the home simply must be perfect in all spheres. You don't. Your standard is this, and Paul never said the house had to be perfect. Just welcoming. If God doesn't expect more than that, than neither should we. Don't neglect that part. 

I'm not saying don't take time for yourself. The Fourth Commandment to rest on the Sabbath still applies to Moms. I'm not saying you can't have pursuits that fill you up creatively. God gave you those gifts for a reason. Yet just as for the men, don't let those things become ultimate. 

Don't sacrifice the home in needless pursuit of other things. Show the world that there is an ultimate thing. That ultimate thing isn't in the C-Suite. That ultimate thing also isn't online tradwifery that boils down domestic mastery to sundresses and sourdough. It's Christ displayed in the home. Older ladies, teach that to the ladies around you. I can't do that better than you can.

Resources for Women is a great place to do that. The library on Tuesdays is another. Have these younger ladies into your home to love them and form relationships with. What they need to learn they will pick up. 

Point them to Christ who calls them to more important things than the algorithm suggests. Point them to Christ who says, "Actually, I'm saving the world. You go love your family, your home, and your God." If we had a whole generation of women who did that, imagine how much the world would change.