What does throwing a dinner party for new neighbors have to do with Jesus? Hospitality is something that we don't typically hear much about in the American Church, and the wider statistics are bearing that out. Fewer and fewer people are having people over in their homes and getting to know even their next door neighbors. It can be easy to think that Church and China plates have little to do with one another, but as my old preaching professor put it, "this pattern of hospitality is at the heart of the Gospel. Food for the body and food for the soul belong together. Spirituality is often squeezed into a corner of life reserved for pious reflections and church services. But God intended spirituality to be the center of our ordinary, everyday life together." (Webster, 125)
Do I really have to have people in my house and not complain about it to be hospitable? That is what Peter lays out for us here. Hospitality, properly done, is hard work. If it wasn't, then Peter wouldn't have to tell us to do it without grumbling. The word here for that is "gungusmos," and it is one of those words that sounds like what it refers to, this muttering, grumbling way of speaking to show you how angry you are to be doing what you are doing. God really doesn't like complaining. When Israel was set free from Egypt, one of the things that really offended God was their constant complaining. This is why in Phil. 2:14 we are to do ALL THINGS without complaining. But here in 1 Peter we are told to show hospitality without complaining.
So what does it mean to show hospitality? Once again to go back to our word here, this word is actually the combination of two words, "stranger" and "friend." Hospitality is hosting "a stranger treated as a friend." (Garwood Anderson).
Peter calls us to host the stranger in our home, to the
glory of God without complaining.
Hospitality has become much rarer. According to a Data for Progress survey, in 1995, 88% of Americans had entertained people in their home at least once in a year. In this year, it is 67%. That is a 21% drop in my lifetime.
There are several questions that we have to answer:
What is hospitality for?
The same thing everything else is for, the glory of God. That is what the whole event is for. We want people to leave our homes going, "the God they serve is good." Maybe they don't do that after the first time, but that is what we want people to ultimately take away from our homes.
What does hospitality specifically look like today?
It has to be remembered that they didn't have the same level of safe places to stay like we do with hotels every few miles in a city. Expectations have also changed from what they used to be even a generation or two ago. Remember that your grandparents and maybe even your parents had a guest bedroom? The ease of hotel or AirBnb stays coupled with cheap (at least relative to what it used to be) travel expenses, hospitality isn't the full on necessity it used to be.
I think this now turns something that was the bare minimum even two generations ago into a memorable luxury today. The age of Christian hospitality may only just now be dawning.
But I think we could boil hospitality down it would be reception and acceptance. It is an invitation to make a stranger a friend. There is some risk involved here. You may find out that this particular person is a lot harder to get along with than you thought. You might be entering into a relationship that is more demanding than you thought.
At Home
A dinner with a visitor at church on a Sunday afternoon.
At School
Sitting with the kid no one else does at the lunchroom or co-op. It doesn't have to be your house, it can be something as small as the table you are sitting at. Story of Nate.
At Church!
Inviting the guests to sit with you. Making sure that you know the names of the children (and I know there are a lot!) and making it a point to speak to a few of them each Sunday (if you can keep up with them!). It's very easy to settle in to speaking with the same people each week, and there is a certain inevitability to getting along better with people your own age, stage, and interests, but that is what makes it all the more important to reach beyond those categories.
All of these arenas require planning, space, margin. If your schedule is packed out six months in advance, it's going to be incredibly hard to do this. If you only have time for your family for a handful of hours a week, you are going to find hospitality incredibly hard to pull off.
Are there ever times to withhold hospitality?
I think that if the person represents a truly credible threat to you or your family's safety, one is not obligated to be host.
I would not say that if someone is living a sinful lifestyle (whether that's sexuality or substance abuse), it is automatically a closed door to your home. Rosaria Butterfield, whose book I could reference here on hospitality, was welcomed into the home of a pastor while she was actively trying to promote living a homosexual lifestyle. He did so by her account over 500 times. However, I would say that your hospitality shouldn't enable that sinful lifestyle. Don't enable people to sin, but let them into your home as appropriate so that they hear the gospel. This is exactly what Jesus does with the tax collectors and sinners. The point wasn't just to eat with them but to call them to repentance. (Garwood Anderson)
What do we gain when we are hospitable? Lose when we aren't?
We gain godliness when we do this. We have the opportunity to reflect the nature of God (Garwood Anderson). As Hebrews points out, you might even have the opportunity to host an angel! Abraham was hospitable and got the chance to host God Himself! Cornelius hosted Peter and got to be one of the first Gentiles to experience the indwelling of the Holy Spirit! (Verbrugge). You never know!
Hospitality involves costs both in money but mostly in time. It requires a good deal of selflessness to do.
Baby steps to hospitality:
Are you hospitable to God for your devotional time? I'm not asking you to have a three hour time of personal worship before the sun comes up, but are you able to consistently carve SOME portion of time to meet with your Savior, particularly in prayer, even if it is only a minute or two?
Young moms, you've got a lot going on, so even a thirty second prayer before you collapse into bed is hospitality enough!
Are you hospitable to your family? In other words, are you interruptible? Or do people wince when they see you are busy or having fun knowing that you are going to be a grouch?
Do you have friends over on a regular basis? I know we are all busy, but if you want to be able to welcome the stranger (even if that is your next door neighbor), you need to at least be willing to host your friends once in a while. These are great ways to at least stretch those muscles and get some confidence. You can find out what you can cook easily and deliciously so more of your thoughts can be on the people in front of you and not what's on the stove.
Once you can take those steps, you are ready to host people you don't know as well. Have a neighbor over if you don't really know them yet beyond a wave at the mailbox. It's a great way to get to know people by building memories with them.
Hospitality means being able to give real assistance, and there are amazing Christian shelters that have been set up that can give those looking for help an amazing opportunity like The Forge. They can provide a safe, warm place to sleep as well as the counseling and work experience they need to get back on their feet. To help someone get there is not an abandonment of hospitality because they can be much better assisted there.
For the coming weeks, think about who you might have around your Thanksgiving table or Christmas tree this year. Is there someone at work, Church, or neighborhood whom you think might be alone? No one is ever offended to be invited to a holiday meal.
Might it be difficult? It could be. But if it is, may I invite you to close with me where we began with the words of my preaching instructor. I don't apologize for the length of my quote:
"Hospitality has greater rewards than most of us imagine: "Anyone who welcomes you welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me." (Matt. 10:40). The measure of our openness to others reveals our intimacy with the one who said, "Come unto me" (Matt. 11:28). One of the best-kept secrets about hospitality is that those who offer it benefit more than those who receive it. We think of hospitality as giving to others, but what if hospitality is the Lord's way of bringing people into our lives who will give to us: the foreign student who enlarges our world, the homeless person who deepens our compassion, the missionary who causes us to pray more earnestly, the single mom who increases our family, and the neighbor whose presence next-door trains us in practical love? We may be like the reluctant widow at Zaraphath, entertaining the prophet Elijah, or like the eager-hearted Lydia hosting the apostle Paul. Hospitality was meant to be an opportunity, not an imposition." (Webster, 125-6).
Obedience brings blessing, and He seems to reserve extra blessing for those who welcome the stranger as He has with us. Who knows? Maybe your next guest is an angel, or the Lord of glory Himself.